Oh man. Get ready for the Epic of Stormoose.
~2000-2001Type: Laptop
Brand: IBM Thinkpad
Model: Unknown
OS: Windows 98 SE
Purpose: General use
RAM: ? ? ?
Processor: Intel Pentium III
GPU: Onboard VGA
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Destroyed after falling out of a moving vehicle in the Dominican Republic
~2002-2004Type: Desktop (tower)
Brand: eMachines
Model: Unknown
OS: Windows 2000
Purpose: General use
RAM: ? ? ?
Processor: Intel Pentium 4
GPU: Onboard VGA
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Crippled by virus that I may or may not have taken out of quarantine.
~2005-2008Type: Desktop (tower)
Brand: eMachines
Model: C2881
OS: Windows XP, later upgraded to Vista Home Basic
Purpose: Personal use for some schoolwork and occasional experimentation
RAM: 512MB
Processor: Intel Celeron D
GPU: Onboard Intel Extreme Graphics
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Motherboard destroyed after failed installation of RAM. Forceful installation of RAM module damaged memory slot, and subsequent boot caused machine to fail to POST as the scent of melting electronic parts filled the room.
2007-2008Type: Laptop
Brand: Dell
Model: Latitude (unknown series)
OS: Windows XP (openSuSE for a brief period of time)
Purpose: Personal use for mobile gaming and programming experiments
RAM: ? ? ?
Processor: ? ? ?
GPU: Onboard Intel Extreme Graphics
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Blunt trauma to screen damages display to the point of being completely unusable.
2009-2010Type: Laptop
Brand: Dell
Model: Inspiron 1525
OS: Windows Vista Home Basic/Ubuntu (Lucid Lynx, if I'm remembering the time right)
Purpose: Personal all-purpose
RAM: 1 GB
Processor: Intel Celeron 550(?)
GPU: Onboard Intel Extreme Graphics
Condition: Unusable
Fate: Hinge for monitor lid became loose. One day, an attempt to close the lid led to the plastic hinge breaking entirely. Monitor damage incurred. Finishing blow delivered when charger port on motherboard loosened gradually to the point where it refused to charge. Coroner's report lists cause of death as suffocation.
Mugshot: http://i.imgur.com/FwKjx53.jpg2011-2012Type: Laptop
Brand: Toshiba
Model: Satellite (unknown model)
OS: Windows 7 SP1/Stormlinux
Purpose: Personal all-purpose (at one point used for finding exploits on the Gawker network)
RAM: 2 GB
Processor: ? ? ?
GPU: Onboard Intel Extreme Graphics
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Coca-Cola spill on keyboard causes motherboard to crap out and die. Coroner's report lists cause of death as internal bleeding caused by poisoning.
2012-2012Type: Desktop (small form factor)
Brand: Dell (bought at garage sale)
Model: ? ? ?
OS: Windows XP
Purpose: Personal experimentation with servers
RAM: ? ? ?
Processor: ? ? ?
GPU: Onboard VGA
Condition: Trashed
Fate: Booted exactly once before the power supply failed entirely.
2011-presentType: Desktop (tower)
Brand: Dell (bought at garage sale)
Model: Dimension 3000
OS: Windows XP (upgraded to Windows 7)
Purpose: General use
RAM: 1 GB
Processor: Intel Celeron D
GPU: Onboard Intel Extreme Graphics
Condition: Working. Decommissioned from personal use for family use.
Mugshot: Unavailable because it is 1am as of this post.
2012-presentType: Desktop (large tower)
Brand: Dell (bought at garage sale)
Model: Precision Workstation 530MT
OS: Windows XP (upgraded to Windows Server 2003, followed by Ubuntu Server and Arch Linux 2013.06.01)
Purpose: Server experimentation and BOINC client
RAM: 1 GB
Processor: Intel Xeon (two-threaded)
GPU: Unknown VGA card
Condition: Working and in use.
Mugshot: http://i.imgur.com/9wu2M3d.jpg2012-presentType: Laptop
Brand: Toshiba
Model: Satellite C855
OS: Windows 7 SP1
Purpose: Personal use (schoolwork, gaming, development, etc.)
RAM: 4 GB
Processor: Intel Pentium B970 (two-threaded)
GPU: Onboard Intel HD Graphics
Condition: Working and in use.
Mugshot: http://i.imgur.com/Mas5NPv.jpg