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« on: September 09, 2013, 08:09:03 pm »
It all started when our overrated adventurer, Zeke, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch.
It was the third time it had happened.
Feeling really angered, Zeke grabbed a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not).
Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved VC:MP server was missing!
Immediately he called his so-called friend, heekzs.
Zeke had known heekzs for (plus or minus) 1 year, which was an exotic one.
heekzs was unique.
He was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish.
Zeke called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
heekzs picked up to a very mad Zeke.
heekzs calmly assured him that most venomous koalas turn red before mating, yet venomous koalas usually earnestly shudder *after* mating.
He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Zeke.
Why was heekzs trying to distract Zeke?
Because he had snuck out from Zeke's with the VC:MP server only three days prior.
It was a flamboyant little VC:MP server... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Zeke got back to the subject at hand: his VC:MP server.
heekzs shuddered.
Relunctantly, heekzs invited him over, assuring him they'd find the VC:MP scripts.
Zeke grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately.
After hanging up the phone, heekzs realized that he was in trouble.
He had to find a place to hide the VC:MP scripts and he had to do it carefully.
He figured that if Zeke took VRocker's wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least four minutes before Zeke would get there.
But if he took the PCJ600?
Then heekzs would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, heekzs was interrupted by a selfish Deso that had joined the VC:MP channel.
heekzs sighed; 'Not again'.
Feeling puzzled, he deftly reached for his large trout and slapped Deso with it.
Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged Deso began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent.
He exhaled with relief.
That's when he heard a PCJ600 rolling up. It was Zeke.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency.
He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late.
With a careful leap, Zeke got off the PCJ600 and went charismatically jaunting toward heekzs's front door.
Meanwhile inside, heekzs was panicking.
The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' heekzs explosively purred.
With a mighty push, Zeke opened the door.
'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by Morphine a clueless genocidal maniac in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied.
'It's fine,' heekzs assured him.
Zeke took a seat tragically close to where heekzs had hidden the VC:MP scripts.
heekzs yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.
'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.
But Zeke was distracted.
In a tragically predictable turn of events, heekzs noticed a dimwitted look on Zeke's face.
Zeke slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's on that laptop?'
heekzs felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Zeke asked this.
In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the dirty VC:MP scripts right in a folder on his desktop.
'Wh-what? It's nothing..!'
A abrasive look started to form on Zeke's face.
He turned to notice there were .nut files on the dekstop as well.
'Th-th-those are just scripts by honeysingh trying to script properly.'
Zeke nodded with fake acknowledgement...
Then, before heekzs could react, Zeke deftly lunged toward heekzs's laptop and opened the folder.
His VC:MP script was plainly in view.
Zeke stared at heekzs for what must've been two days.
A few unfulfilled decades later, heekzs groped wildly in Zeke's direction, clearly desperate.
Zeke grabbed the laptop with VC:MP scripts and bolted for the door.
It was locked.
heekzs let out a flamboyant chuckle.
'If only you hadn't been so protective about it, none of this would have happened, Zeke,' he rebuked.
heekzs always had been a little funny-smelling, so Zeke knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before heekzs did something crazy, like... start chucking large trouts at him or something.
In a tragically predictable turn of events, he gripped his VC:MP script tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
heekzs looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive.
'The other door was open, you know.'
Silence from Zeke.
'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!'
Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Zeke.
'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence.
heekzs walked over to the window and looked down.
Zeke was gone.
Just yonder, Zeke was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind heekzs's place.
Zeke had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.
Suddenly Deso appeared and latched on to Zeke.
Already weakened from his injury, Zeke yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.
The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a selfish Deso running off with his VC:MP scripts.
But then God Stormeus came down with His plucky smile and restored Zeke's VC:MP scripts.
Feeling displeased, God Stormeus smote Deso for his injustice.
Then Stormeus got in His deliciously practical 4-door and blasted away with the fortitude of one million pakistani VC:MP players running away from Metalord.
Zeke flipped with joy when he saw this.
His VC:MP scripts were safe.
It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, midgetporn, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet Smoke2jointS').
Zeke was ecstatic.
And so, everyone except heekzs lived blissfully happy, forever after.
THE END
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