Vice Underdogs

Discussion => Off Topic => Topic started by: FulToN_619 on October 07, 2017, 01:38:57 pm

Title: Post some Jokes
Post by: FulToN_619 on October 07, 2017, 01:38:57 pm
Lady : Do you smoke ?

Man : Yes

Lady : How many packs a day ?

Man : 3 packs

Lady : How much per pack

Man : $10.00

Lady : And how long have you been smoking ?

Man : 15 years

Lady : So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be$10,800 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct ?

Man : Correct

Lady : Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari ?

Man : Do you smoke ?

Lady : No

Man : Where's your Ferrari then ?
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Piterus on October 07, 2017, 02:05:20 pm
Quote
Man : Where's your Ferrari then ?

Here:

(https://viceunderdogs.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs10.ifotos.pl%2Fimg%2FScreensho_qrnpwxe.jpg&hash=3078a9ec991e6e3480fb9b0cb0cb47c41a9f1e1b)
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: WiLsOn on October 07, 2017, 03:14:24 pm
Here that's best joke i have ever heard in my life and it is...
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What?
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: mairee on October 07, 2017, 05:58:59 pm
Here's a classic joke:

















You.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Milko on October 07, 2017, 06:11:12 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING HA
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: QarZ on October 07, 2017, 09:13:08 pm
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

Man: “I had to get to work.”
 
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Almo on October 08, 2017, 10:26:39 am
no offense but a 5 year old could do better at this lmao
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: morphine on October 08, 2017, 04:04:05 pm
you are all a bunch of fucking jokes
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: aWaIx on October 08, 2017, 08:32:30 pm
Madarchod k bachy.
-Aunty Gormint.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: OmaRosh on October 08, 2017, 08:41:28 pm
The boring story of dad in the woods

Kid: Mommy where is daddy ?  :'(

Mother: Don't worry he'll come soon. He went on hunting in the woods as everyday.

Kid: oh not again! hope he brings something useful with him this time ..    :-\

Mother: We all Hope so ....  ^-^


And after 10 hours ...



Dad: Honey I'm baaack!

Mother: Oh please tell me you brought dinner .. you took all the food we had today.  :(

Dad: Well .. meh! ???

(https://gohunt-assets-us-west-2.s3.amazonaws.com/styles/gallery/s3/Hunting-meme-Bad-day-of-hunting.jpg?itok=rrXUCj3W)

Dad: I didn't take any food with me. Did I ?  :o

Mother: You know honey, Before you come there were 10 pieces of wood on the floor.
NOW, thankfully, we have got  11! 

Dad: /q



Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: karan on October 09, 2017, 02:32:11 pm
cancerous thread ever, paki trying to make jokes when being a joke
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: KILLERX. on October 09, 2017, 02:43:34 pm
cancerous thread ever, paki trying to make jokes when being a joke
why why why why why why so hate for pakistan   ::)  ::)
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: ZeeX. on October 09, 2017, 04:02:52 pm
Madarchod k bachy.
-Aunty Gormint.
Lol
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: karan on October 09, 2017, 04:07:39 pm
cancerous thread ever, paki trying to make jokes when being a joke
why why why why why why so hate for pakistan   ::)  ::)
because I met some genius like you ppl before meeting some genuine ones, makes me puke these days seeing the ebola around,
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: SanaullaH on October 09, 2017, 06:39:59 pm
Dr.Shawn to Lady: You r looking so weak and exhausted!
Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?
Lady: Oh my God! I heard 3 males per day

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Dr.Shawn on October 09, 2017, 06:46:37 pm
Dr.Shawn to Lady: You r looking so weak and exhausted!
Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?
Lady: Oh my God! I heard 3 males per day

 ;D ;D

Sory 4 me bad accent
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: SanaullaH on October 11, 2017, 06:12:13 pm
I was invited to a wedding. When i reached the
hotel, i found two doors
1.Bride relatives
2.groom relatives
I entered the groom door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men
I entered men door n found two doors again.
1.People with gifts
2.People without gifts
I entered the second door ( people without gifts ) i found myself outside the hotel..
 ??? ???
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: RajPut on October 11, 2017, 06:49:12 pm
A sweet night is that when you hug your teddy bear and sleep,

But horror is that when the teddy bear hugs you back..!
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Almo on October 11, 2017, 07:07:39 pm
A sweet night is that when you hug your teddy bear and sleep,

But horror is that when the teddy bear hugs you back..!

perma ban from vu

jkjkjkjkjk
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: FulToN_619 on November 07, 2017, 03:08:21 pm
STUDENT: Sir can i have a
question?

Teacher: Yes!

Student: how do you put an elephant
inside a fridge?

Teacher: i dont know.

Student: it's easy you just open the
fridge and put it in. I have another
question!

Teacher: okay ask!

Student: how to put a donkey
inside the fridge?

Teacher: It's easy you just open
the fridge and put it in.

Student: No sir! You just open the
fridge take out the elephant and
put it in.

Teacher: ohhh. Ok!

Student: let me ask another one, If
all the animals went to the lion's
birthday party, and one animal
went missing which one would it
be?

Teacher: the Lion ofcourse! Because it
would eat all the animals.

Student: No sir, it is the donkey
because it's still inside the fridge.

Teacher: are you kidding me?!

Student: no sir! One last question.

Teacher: ok!

Student: If there's a river full of
crocodiles and you wanted to
cross, how would you?

Teacher: There's no way, i would
need a boat to cross.

Student: No sir, you just swim and
cross it because all the animals went
to the lion's birthday party.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Zatch on November 07, 2017, 06:37:13 pm
I prefer yo momma jokes :-X

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: ripmemes on November 07, 2017, 06:57:51 pm
A lazy man said to another lazy man:
-Can you pls do me a favor
-Me too I want you to do my favor
-Say yours first
-Ok but you must do it before I say it
-Ofcourse yes
-My Favor is do not ask me a favor

Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: aXXo on November 07, 2017, 07:08:13 pm
 :'(
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: KILLERX. on November 07, 2017, 07:28:34 pm
:'(
Best joke of the year
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: NO_MERCY on December 17, 2017, 06:06:20 pm
Teacher : George, go to the map and find North America .
George : Here it is !
Teacher : Correct. now, class, who discovered America ?
Class : George!
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: BeY3K^ on December 20, 2017, 02:49:22 pm
Coming Soon!.
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: BeY3K^ on December 20, 2017, 02:56:27 pm
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

                                                       Credit:  Gurpal Gosall
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Armaklo on January 25, 2018, 10:13:35 am
(https://i.imgur.com/wJ5fcq8.png)
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: SanaullaH on February 05, 2018, 01:14:20 pm
Read all the sentences in order

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is an cat
This is idiot cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is thirty cat
This is seconds cat
..
Now go back and read third word of each sentence
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: RajPut on February 05, 2018, 06:26:43 pm
Dr.Shawn: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Dr.Shawn: "Nine."
Title: Re: Post some Jokes
Post by: Milko on February 06, 2018, 05:16:57 am
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3e/USA_Flag_Map.svg/640px-USA_Flag_Map.svg.png)