Vice Underdogs
Discussion => Off Topic => Topic started by: Charley on January 07, 2012, 11:32:05 am
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it was tense.
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ohk, were those 3 brothers? ???
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:D
When I heard this I couldn't stop laughing: :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQjM5qsVryw
Btw, the Ray Charles movie was amazing, watched it last night. :thumbsup:
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I don't get it, what am I suppose to do in this topic? ???
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YEAH SO FUNNY MENS IM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF REALLY OK BYE
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Puns are the highest form of wit, end of.
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what's this about
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what's this about
Its about 3 guys Past, Present and Future.
I've read this novel before. The ending was pretty unexpected.
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Signs that things aren't going so well
"You sleep with your teacher to get good grades. You are homeschooled. "
"You're in Hufflepuff."
"Your toys make three Disney movies behind your back. "
"You are Rebecca Black's English teacher. "
"You just used the phrase, "I'll Yahoo it." "
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what's this about
Its about 3 guys Past, Present and Future.
I've read this novel before. The ending was pretty unexpected.
ahoooooooo bam.
Didn't think I'd have to explain this, I guess most non-native English speakers ain't used to puns/plays on words. 'It was tense' has two meanings, 'tense' as in there was tension, and tense as in 'past, present and future' are the three tenses. 'man walks into a bar' or 'so and so walk into a bar' is a classic way of starting a particular sort of joke. Like these (not as good ones); 'Man walks into a bar. Ouch.' and 'So, this skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop.'
Here's a darker joke for ya: 'What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion'
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ahoooooooo bam.
Didn't think I'd have to explain this, I guess most non-native English speakers ain't used to puns/plays on words.
OMG I DID UNDERSTOOD IT...
NO LIES!!
About walking into bars....
I recalled another joke. (Probably read it on Argonath Forum)
A woman walks into a bar. She had just broken up with her boy friend, so was feeling really gloomy.
She sat next to an unknown man who was ordering drinks.
Woman: What is that you are drinking.
Man: It is Magic Vodka. It gives incredible energy, super speed and all other kinds of super powers.
Woman: I dont believe you.
Man: You dont? Here, watch!
He took a sip of the Vodka. Then jumped out of the window, flew around the building in circles and came back in.
Man: See? I aint kidding. You wanna try it?
Woman could'nt believe her eyes, just watched him dumbstruck.
Man: Okay, Ill demonstrate it once more.
He took another sip, then jumped out of the window....picked up a parked truck, weight lifted with it, then put it back down....came back in from the window.
Man: You should give it a try.
Woman (Excitedly): Sure! Bartender! Ill have this drink too!
She took a sip, jumped out of the window and died.
Bartender: Superman.....you are such an asshole when you are drunk.
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LOL HAHA, that's so funny aXXo, didn't know that Argonath forum have these kind of jokes lol.
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Хуй
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Хуй
Likes To Post.
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I have a good one!
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
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i wrote a book on how to fuck time!
about fucking time.
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Lol.
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A woman was diagnosed with cancer
She died 6 months after
anticlimactic jokes are good sometimes
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Finally they invented something useful!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOMIBdM6N7Q
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1st of all, the ones who didn't understand charley's joke, you're dumbasses.
2nd my joke ;D
A redneck's sitting in a bar, and an asian dude enters the bar.
He sits next to the redneck, and punches him in the face.
-Guy says: Why did you do that?
-Asian: That's an old move from Kung Fu, it comes from china
(guy sits back in his chair)
The asian guy kicks him again
-Asian: That's an old move from Jiu Jitsu, it comes from Taiwan
(guy angrily sits back)
The asian kicks him again
-Asian: That's an old move from karate, It comes from Japan
(the redneck rushes out from the bar, returns after five minutes and knocks out the asian)
-Redneck: Hey bartender, when he wakes up tell him that he got hit by a crowbar, it comes from K-Mart
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GET A BETTER JOKE.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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Haha, n1 XGamer.
Here's mine:
St. Peter called the American, the Bulgarian and the Russian to show off their best weapon they've got.
First came the American.... with an M4! St. Peter said: "Ye ok, nice weapon, good aim, lightweight, cool.... now put it in your ass without making any expresions, otherwise you'll be killed!
So the American, without any hope started pushing the M4 in his ass, but just when he got to the crosshair he "OH!"-ed.
St.Peter: "HAHAHA, you failed, now go get killed!"
After that the Bulgarian entered..... with a pistol! (Cuz we bulgarians didn't have much money.....).
St.Peter: "Ye ok, it's good.... aims straight, it's light.... nice colour.... now put it in your ass without making expresions, or you'll get hanged from a rope!"
The Bulgarian, without any hope too started pushing the pistol in his ass, but just when he got to the magazine... he laughed...
St.Peter: "HAHAH lol, you failed too! Now go get hanged!"
When the Bulgarian turned around, walking at the door, the American stoped him and said:
American: "Man, you were so close to freedom! Why did you have to laugh?!?!"
The Bulgarian said: "Huhhhh.... I don't know about you, but I doubt if the Russian will make it with that nice, big tank!"
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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My reputation on this forum is a joke.
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yes it is even though im voting positive every hour
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My reputation on this forum is a joke.
I can say the same for myself :(
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What about me?
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What about me?
We're implying it's a joke that our karma is so low. It's the way it shouldn't be, making it humorous.
so in your case, no.
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What about me?
We're implying it's a joke that our karma is so low. It's the way it shouldn't be, making it humorous.
so in your case, no.
Well seph, I think we shouldn't be rude in this topic, since it was made to make people laugh ;)
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What about me?
We're implying it's a joke that our karma is so low. It's the way it shouldn't be, making it humorous.
so in your case, no.
Well seph, I think we shouldn't be rude in this topic, since it was made to make people laugh ;)
and now I know who made me -25
soon to be -26 once las3r reads my post
understood though ferarri, I won't be rude in this thread anymore, my apologies. Was just answering his question
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Here's another one I just remembered (it's about St.Peter again)
St.Peter gathered the American, the French and the Chinese for an importand meeting.
The American entered first and right after he came St.Peter was like "OMG, YOU DAMN AMERICANS, Y?!?! WHY DO YOU WAR THE WORLD SO MUCH?! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST COME HERE AND WAR IRAN?!? DO YOU SEE THIS RED BUTTON OVER HERE!?!
American: "yes.... yes I do...."
St.Peter: "DO YOU SEE IT?! IF I PRESS IT, AMERICA WILL DISAPEAR FROM THE MAP!"
The American was all like "Oh please great Saint, don't press it, please!!!!", but St.Peter press it and America vanished from the map.
The French entered after that and right before he came in, St.Peter was all like "OMG YOU.... YOU..... HUMANS! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GET ALL THE GIRLS, HUH? YOU STOLE ALL THE PRETYY GIRLS IN THE WORLD. WHAT ARE YOU, HUH? DO YOU SEE THIS RED BUTTON?!"
French: "Yes, I do.."
St.Peter: "DO YOU SEE IT?! IF I PRESS IT.... FRANCE WILL BE NO MORE!"
The French was like "Oh please ze great Saint, please don't press it! Please!!!", but St.Peter press it and France vanished from the World's surface.
At the end, the Chinese came and right before he even touched the door's handle, St.Peter was like "HOLY DEVA MARIA, YOU DAMN ASIANS! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST FAKE EVERYTHING A MAN HAS MADE, HUH? Made in China here, Made in China there, WTF?! YOU SEE THIS RED BUTTON OVER HERE?!
Chinese: "Yes, yes I do...."
St.Peter: "DO YOU SEE IT?! IF I PRESS IT... CHINA WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE WORLD'S SURFACE!!"
Chinese: "Oh great one, please don't press it, please.... PLEASE!!!"
But St.Peter press it.... but nothing happend? He press it again... nothing.... He kept spamming the red button till he got pissed and tear off the button, looked below it and saw the line "Made in China"!
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Hahaha my reputation is better than both Morphine and Sephiroth.
lol noobs.
And here comes -2 on the way.
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lol laS3r that's good one.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" the son says "What dvd?" asks the father "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What!? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom! Awkward Silence
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Little Ivan was getting back to home. While he was walking, some nigger stopped him and said "Hey man, come here.... if you give me 5 bucks, I'll tell you 5 words". Ivan gave him 5 bucks and the nigger said "Dick, pussy, tits, whistle and fuck you."
When Ivan arrived at home, he asked his dad "Dad dad! What does 'dick' mean?". His dad responded "Cloth-handles, my son...."
Ivan: "Dad dad, and what does 'pussy' mean?"
Dad: "Tiles, my son...."
Ivan: "Dad dad, what does 'tits' mean?"
Dad: "Uhh.... glasses, my son..."
Ivan: "Hmm, and what does 'whistle' mean?"
Dad: ".....sausage.... my son...."
Ivan: "Ok, and last question dad: what does 'fuck you' mean?"
Dad: "It means 'Goodbye'..."
Later that day the guests arrived! They saw Ivan and asked him: "Ivan, where can we put our clothes?"
Ivan: "On your dicks!"
Guests: "My god!.... Anyways, what's your father doing, Ivan?"
Ivan: "He's sticking pussies in the bathroom."
Guests: "And what's your grandmother doing?"
Ivan: "She dropped her tits from the window so she went to get them."
Guests: "What's your sister doing?"
Ivan: "She's selling whistles at the market."
Guests: "My god, Ivan, you're such a bad person. We're angry with you, we're going now. Goodbye!"
Ivan: "Alright, fuck you!"
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Little Ivan was getting back to home. While he was walking, some nigger stopped him and said "Hey man, come here.... if you give me 5 bucks, I'll tell you 5 words". Ivan gave him 5 bucks and the nigger said "Dick, pussy, tits, whistle and fuck you."
When Ivan arrived at home, he asked his dad "Dad dad! What does 'dick' mean?". His dad responded "Cloth-handles, my son...."
Ivan: "Dad dad, and what does 'pussy' mean?"
Dad: "Tiles, my son...."
Ivan: "Dad dad, what does 'tits' mean?"
Dad: "Uhh.... glasses, my son..."
Ivan: "Hmm, and what does 'whistle' mean?"
Dad: ".....sausage.... my son...."
Ivan: "Ok, and last question dad: what does 'fuck you' mean?"
Dad: "It means 'Goodbye'..."
Later that day the guests arrived! They saw Ivan and asked him: "Ivan, where can we put our clothes?"
Ivan: "On your dicks!"
Guests: "My god!.... Anyways, what's your father doing, Ivan?"
Ivan: "He's sticking pussies in the bathroom."
Guests: "And what's your grandmother doing?"
Ivan: "She dropped her tits from the window so she went to get them."
Guests: "What's your sister doing?"
Ivan: "She's selling whistles at the market."
Guests: "My god, Ivan, you're such a bad person. We're angry with you, we're going now. Goodbye!"
Ivan: "Alright, fuck you!"
That's a classic :)